the feeling of an ending

I lost my thoughts from last August. I remember sitting on this little chair in the hallway of this hostel in Kyleakin, writing while Shallows by Daughter was sang to me through my earphones. The silks of the sun melting in the sky, leaking seamlessly through colours and clouds. Incandescent hues of honey and blush. A latter blue, the warmest colour. Those thoughts I have left in my diary, now left in a hotel room in Macau and lost and gone forever.

I wonder what I was thinking back then, what those thoughts contained. Were they of peace? Were they of realisation or reflection or pondering of life? Those thoughts, then put into words, now obliterated.

I remember feeling lightness, not anticipating what would come in the following months.

The subsequent entries, of the mess in September, of losing my mum in December, most of those I rather not remember. I'm alright with forgetting.

Maybe one day I'll learn to leave it all behind.

For today, I wonder.

The song is now forever attached to that memory.