I like it when it's cold and raining and I'm snuggled up in bed with a warm cup of tea and a good book. I feel blissful and as if I could escape the world for a little while.
But recently I haven't been able to do that and it's really sad. And if I ever get to the chance to, a sense of nostalgia washes over me and I feel like 8th grade all over again. I used to hate 8th grade haha. I hated myself so much back then and I wanted so much to change myself. But right now I would rather be who I was. It's sad how we never appreciate things until they're gone.
I feel like everything is so sad. Not being able to do the things that you love is sad. Nothing being able to be with the people you love is sad. There's no other word to describe all these except for ... sad.
For a long time I've been feeling sad. And for a long time I didn't understand why all these things were hurting me, and why I wanted to hurt myself. But I knew that there was more than this. That there was more to this than just a constant cycle of sadness and doubt and wondering and wandering. But I couldn't comprehend it.
And until now I'm still trying to grasp unto the concept of life. And at the same time I'm admiring the beauty of the mystery of it. How we never know what's to come next and what's to happen next. Every second is an unexpected next in your life.
But when the rain stops, and your tea finishes, and the chapter ends; back to reality.
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