I should have been okay by now. I thought that by now I would have a grasp of my life, or at least the tiniest part of it. And yet things are getting more undone as days pass. I lose more of myself, the parts that I was once so sure of. Sometimes I don't want to be myself, and I try so hard to lose those traces of myself, let old me diminish.
The times that I laugh so hard I had a hard time catching my breath were the only times I didn't feel like I was suffocating. That momentarily I could actually try to forget all that had happened. But when the laughter stops reality floods back in. The burden of my memories.
It scares me that the year is ending. Nothing is okay and there are only more uncertainties to come as we welcome the new year. How I want to be able to stop time, yet it's unrelentingness is all that there is. Time will not stop for me, it's either I go with it or get left behind. Sad to say it's the latter.
