Whatever you are feeling right now, I hope you remember it. I hope you remember how it feels like to hate every inch of yourself. I hope you remember how it feels like when every word that you speak and comes through your lips feels wrong. I hope you remember how it feels like to feel this sense of unbelonging. I hope you grasp onto this feeling, because one day when things get better, on the top of your days, on the highest points of your life, you'll remember this fucked up feeling and how easy it is to fall back down, how fragile your life really is, and how addictive this cycle of self destruction can be. I hope you remember how it feels like when everything you do is wrong, to a point where you don't even trust yourself anymore; the words you say, the things you do, the choices you make. I hope the day you manage to pull yourself back together again, you'll realise how much time you've wasted, searching; searching for answers, searching for yourself. Perhaps one day you'll find your faith again. And right now it may feel like everyone is getting their life together whereas yours is just coming undone. But I hope you remember this feeling and never let it go, because there are better days to come. There is more to life than this. You have to go out and live. You aren't really living yet, Janelle, and yet you are already fading away.
xx,
Janelle
